A letter to my children

This is a letter I wrote to my children a short time back.I felt like publishing it because it was my way of showing my love for them with diabetes in mind. One day when they are older, I will let them read it and by then they will fully be able to understand of of it.



My loves,ya'll will never know the depth of Love I have for you.

I'm so sorry you have to go thru this illness with me,
But grateful to my diabetes for making us stronger for it.

For understanding when mommy has a low,
And knowing to get my meter,when otherwise I can't.

Your so young to have to endure all of this,
But so smart to understand what the numbers mean and what to do.

I promise ya'll this, mommy WILL fight to be around for you.

I will Not let diabetes get me down.

I will have good days and bad,
But I will not let it interfer or make me miss any second of your life.

My loves,you are my focus.

Ya'll keep me going and staying strong.

I know this disease is apart of our life now and Always will be a family affair,
But with God's grace we WILL get thru this.

Just know that everday is a battle, Yes,

But the victory is this,

Being able to wake up each day, taking in a deep breathe, seeing your smiling faces, hearing the laughter of your voices, embracing you tightly, giving butterfly kisses all that I can and being able to give you a high 5 when you accomplished anything you set out to do.

So remember the song I sing to you and know that it's the truth.

"YOU are my sunshine, My ONLY sunshine,You make me happy when skies are gray, You'll Never know dear how much I love you,  Please don't take my sunshine away."

How many more?

My Diabetes is really being a bitch lately..I mean, I'm doing everything I can possible do and she still won't compromise....Give me a break. Every morning when I wake up my BS is low. Scarily LOW. And the worst thing is, I can't tell it is low until oh around the 30's, sometimes even the 28 range. Like my body has become use to this,which is a scary thought.

What scares me the most is that I'm sooo unbelievable afraid that one morning I won't wake up.I log all my carbs,bs,ect and keep in touch with my endo regularly. We've changed my rates,ratios many times.Still, we keep missing the mark. With this said, it scares the Hell out of me.

I have 2 small children & a husband(works out of town most time). What if I go to sleep to find my BS drops too low & my children can't wake me up.Which it does drop low All the time,but I can wake up,just very out of it and very slowly. (My BS is always around the 30's in the mornings)I do not want to put them through that or any of this for that matter. Luckily my 7 yr old knows what to do in case of an emergency,but still, I feel like why does my family have to be put through this.

I am desperatley tring to get a CGM(wish me luck).God knows I can't afford it on my own, so I'm hoping my Medicaid will cover(which I know it won't), but the lady told me to just keep appealing the denials.Believe me I will. To me the CGM will be my lifesaver, to help me live,to alert me. I pray the government will approve this Very soon but that's another topic for another day.

It's getting harder & harder to wake up in the mornings or anytime for that matter.I check my BS before I go to bed,which is always in good range. I make sure to try and eat something that has protien to substane me through the night. But still, this doesn't work. I've tried waking up at 3 or 4 am, to eat a small snack(per Dr.) to help fight off the lows. Even when I eat something with very small carb value & protien at 3am, it seems to boost me up too much and I wake up with a High...WTH....I feel like kicking the crap out of my Bitch of a disease...

Still I WILL figure out how to find an equal balance, I have to, for my kids sake. I pray each night that God will give me just one more day, to allow me to wake up and see my childrens faces...I have the will inside me to fight and I will continue to fight til the day I die(hopefully not anytime soon). I just pray my body will fight too. Until this comes about I hope to be able to find a medium or at least be able to go to sleep at night having peace.

Declare Your Diabetes

Deciding Portion Sizes

For me deciding portion size is very frustrating. Does anyone else have a difficult time with this or is it just me? I know what all the books say, but when it comes down to not having a measuring cup handy out in public, that's when it get hard.

I've tried the fist measuring thing and the eye balling thing. But no matter how I try, I'm still not right. Either I eat too much and my blood sugar goes too high or I eat too little and my blood sugar drops to low. I enter in the carb ratio on my pump but without the correct serving size by a measuring cup it can go either way.

I want to know if anyone else has this problem? Or does any other fellow diabetics have a certain method they found that works for them. Please share and maybe we can all learn some new tricks to this ever confusing size control.

My Diabetic Prayer

                              Why me, Why me, Please Lord, help me to see.

                                     I'm strong, I'm weak, Sometimes I'm meek.

                                     I laugh, I cry and I beg not to die.

                                     I love, I embrace and I have a will to survive.

                                     My children, My life, My legacy to give.

                                    Stay strong, for there's hope

                                    Our generation will find

                                    A cure, I pray

                                    Lord, help me, to live one more day

My Children, The loves of my life!!

My "Sweet" Conscious

I long for the days, when my sweet tooth wasn't my enemy.
Death by chocolate cake, takes on a Whole new meaning for me now.
A deadly high, a DKA on the way.
The only time My conscious lets me cheat...
Is when I drop to low & living depends on a treat.
But my treat is different,
It's a deathy life-saving sweet.
So my conscious will stay happy
My livelyhood will be restored,with that 15 grams of carbs
My "sweet" conscious won't be ignored.
Oh how I dream of the days I could enjoy, a cold chocolate shake.
With NO finger pricking or bolous settings and  a tummy full of joy

This is just me thinking outloud!!!

Newbie

Looks like a newbie,beginning blogger!!Yes , Yes I know!! I just wanted to introduce myself to All of you and say how excited I am on beginning my journey with this!! I will be adding a little of my cajun sauciness to my blog! Hope ya'll don't mind!! But if ya do, then that's okay, I don't mind cause I'll still be here tomorrow!!!! I'm also on DLife(Love that place) & facebook, I will be adding my new blog to my profile there. I'm always on the puter, so you can reach me anytime!!! I know I added some of this in my profile, but just a quick rundown...I'm a type 1,dxed 2 yrs ago in june of 07(age 28),insulin from the start & on my Animas pump(Love it)Have had way to many problems from the getgo, but Way better these days.. I'm wanting to be in better control of my diabetes & Declaring (hence the name), So I say this Loud & Clear I OWN MY DIABETES, DO YOU PROCLAIM YOUR RIGHT TO FIGHT TO FIND A CURE LET OUR VOICES BE HEARD Hope to meet everyone soon & remember: Diabetes is a Bitch, but it's My Bitch!!!! LOL Jill Kershaw